They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
