Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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