Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i dont even know how to be here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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