I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i drank out of a bidet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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