I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
