oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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