with your own penis?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
