you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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