just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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