I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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