UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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