So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
