So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
