i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
