just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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