Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
