I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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