Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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