so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
