I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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