i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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