i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
