I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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