anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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