You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
