I don't think brook has ever known best
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
