Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
