found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
