Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
