We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
