a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
