you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
