in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
