I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
