WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
