You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
