What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
