Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
