Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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