So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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