What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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