Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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