My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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