P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
