we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
