I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
