I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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