I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
