Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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