how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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