omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk is not a location!
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