Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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