we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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