I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
