Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
