Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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