This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
