i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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