Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
