I am in a vortex of obligation.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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