Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
