My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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