I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
