so that wasnt chicken after all
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He shit in the fireplace
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
