Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
