Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
