I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
