I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
