i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
