Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize