i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
