how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
