sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
