I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
