Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
