On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
40s are totally the cure
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
