just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
