doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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