dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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