I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who died my cat blue again?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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