so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
