I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
