haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
