i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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